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[risk_reversal]

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she says

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says.
"Where's my toast ?"

[Pwiggler]

 

[Floydoid]

I don't get it.

[UncleUB]

neither did she (the ice cream and strawberries)

[roseway]

I recently sent a birthday card to an aging friend of mine. It had a joke about old fogies forgetting things. Two days later he phoned me up and said "Thank you for the card, but why did you sent it a fortnight early?"

[mr_chris]

I like those

[dave.m]

Hearing Aid Aids Decision Making

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


The Elderly Make Better Drivers?

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"



Police Good Deed Goes Sour.

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.

They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate".

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live."
 She replied I keep trying to tell you: "Your Pashin It!"

dave 

[Accordion]

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."



A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
 

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why i n the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

[Floydoid]

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

I'm reminded about the story of the hearse that was on its way to a funeral.  Climbing up a steep hill, the car's back door accidentally comes open and the box gets loose.  It slides down the hill, eventually crashing into a chemist's shop.

One of the pall bearers runs down the hill, and into the chemist's, and in a fluster asks the pharmacist, "Have you got anything to stop me coffin?"

[oldfogy]

I recently sent a birthday card to an aging friend of mine. It had a joke about old fogies forgetting things.

Got that interested in the jokes I forgot the one I was going to post.