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Author Topic: My First PC  (Read 22767 times)

jazz

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #30 on: July 17, 2007, 02:51:49 PM »

My first home PC was a Sinclair ZX81 with just 1Kb of RAM (though I did purchase the optional extra 8Kb RAM pack but if this wobbled when you were working you lost connection and had to start everything up again).  Everything seemed so technologically advanced and fast when I got and Amstrad 464 and it had colour pictures and its own built-in tape recorder/player for saving and loading programs! 
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Floydoid

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #31 on: July 17, 2007, 04:36:18 PM »

That reminds me of when I bought my first calculator - it was a Sinclair Cambridge Memory.  It was 1974 and cost me £17.99, which was a fiver more than the standard model which had no memory function.
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"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

dave.m

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #32 on: July 17, 2007, 11:58:38 PM »

My first PC was and still is my only PC
It is a PB Imedia 3055 which I bought when frog marched to PC (the Sniffy Shop) by my daughter and niece.
That was on a Bank Holiday in May 2004.

They took me home and after a short session of connecting wires they got it going and gave me a demo on what to do.  :o
"What to do", well I ask you, it took me two hours to find out how to shut it down. Who would think of pressing a 'Start' button to Stop something.  :no:

After spending three years browsing all the computer help sites that I could, I am now at the competent stage whereby I can actually switch it on in the morning without having to refer to the manual or my notes any more.
Good init?  8)

dave

 
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Accordion

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #33 on: July 18, 2007, 09:25:26 AM »

Was it like this for you Dave?

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help  you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office  in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s  Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy  one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why?  Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a  computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know.  What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind  the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:  No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track  expenses and run my business.  What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my  office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I  just did.

COSTELLO: You just did  what?

ABBOTT: Recommend  something.

COSTELLO: You recommended  something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT:  Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my  office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I  recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I  already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my  computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in  Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is  office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for  Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for  windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click  the blue “W”.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your  blue “w” if you don’t start with some straight answers.  What about  financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money  with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to  track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with  your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my  computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I  get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it  illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us  a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give  you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not?  THEY OWN IT!

(A few days  later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I  help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer  off?

ABBOTT: Click on  “START”………….

 :lol:
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Astral

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #34 on: July 18, 2007, 09:29:51 AM »

 :lol:
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Floydoid

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #35 on: July 18, 2007, 10:37:58 AM »

Dave that was an oldie but goodie... as is these PC setup documents:

Congratulations! You have purchased an Anthrax 2000 Multimedia Personal Computer with Digital Doo-Dah Enhancer.  It will give many years of faithful service, if you ever get it up and running. Also included with your PC is a special bonus pack of free pre-installed software:- 'Lawn Mowing Planner', 'Blank Screen Saver', 'East Africa Route Finder' and 'X15 Submarine Mechanic' valued at over a fiver, which will provide hours of pointless diversion whilst using up most of your computerís spare memory.  You are now ready to begin the installation so turn the page and lets get started!

<new page>

Getting Ready: Congratulations, you have successfully turned the page which means you have a high enough IQ to realize things don't look too good.  If your delicate PC has arrived in a damaged box, possibly from miss-handling or being dropped, it will be doubtful that the box will be of any use and can be thrown away.

Important meaningless note: The Anthrax 2000 is configured to use the 80386, Z80 and ARMITAGE SHANKS processors running at 2,472 hertz on variable speed spin cycle.  Check your electrical installation and insurance policies before proceeding. Do not tumble dry. To prevent internal heat build up, select a cool, dry environment for your computer.  The bottom shelf of a refrigerator is ideal.  Unpack the box and examine its contents.  (WARNING: Do not open the box if contents are missing or faulty as this will invalidate your warranty.  Return all missing contents in their original packaging with a note explaining where they have gone and a replacement will be sent within twelve working months.)  Also, only open the box if you intend to use your PC as this will bind you to the terms and conditions set out in the manual, which will be sent to you when it has been written.  The contents of the box (if you have the deluxe model) should include some of the following: Monitor with mysterious De Gauss button; keyboard with 2Ĺ inches of flex; computer unit; miscellaneous wires and cables not necessarily designed for this model; 2,000 page 'Owners Manual' of which 1,987 pages are in 26 different languages; 'Short Guide to the Owners Manual'; 'Quick Start Guide' to the 'Short Guide to the Owners Manual'; 'Laminated Super-Kwik Set-Up Guide for People Who Are Exceptionally Impatient or Stupid'; 1,167 pages of warranties, vouchers, notices in Spanish and other loose pieces of paper; 292 cubic feet of cardboard and polystyrene packing material.

All our PC's are subjected to a rigorous 24 hour 'Burn In - Burn Out' test.  Please wipe off any soot from the case before using.

Something They Didn't Tell You When You Ordered: Because of the additional power hungry needs of the Computer like switching it on, you will need to acquire an Anthrax 2000 auxiliary hardware upgrade pack, a 900 volt memory capacitor for the auxiliary hardware pack, a 50 megahertz oscillator for the memory capacitor, 64 Gigabytes of additional memory for the oscillator and a small electrical substation.

Setting Up: You are now ready to set up your PC. If you have not yet acquired a degree in Electrical engineering, now is the time to do so. Connect the monitor cable (A) to the portside outlet unit (D); attach power offload unit sub-orbiter (Xii) to the co-axial AC/DC servo channel (G); plug the three-pin mouse cable into the keyboard housing unit (make an extra hole if necessary); connect modem (B2) to offside parallel audio/video lineout jack. Alternatively, plug the cables into the most likely looking holes, switch on and see what happens. Additional meaningless note: The wires in the ampule modulator unit are marked as follows: blue = neutral or live; yellow = live or blue; blue and live = neutral and green; black = instant death.  Plug in, switch on, and retire to a safe distance.  If after plugging in and switching on your PC nothing happens, the items sent to you may have been mislabelled.  Please try plugging in the box.  Should your computer appear to be working, please contact us immediately as we may need to employ you.

Now its time to install your Microsofarsogood software. Insert Disc A (marked 'Disc D' or 'Disc G') into Drive Slot B and type 'Setup' and press Return.  If your keyboard does not have a return key, simply press the small spring lever where the Return button should be and wait.  After installation, you will be asked to enter your License Verification Number.  Your License Verification Number can be found by entering your Certified User Number, which can be found by entering your License Verification Number.  If you are unable to find your License Verification or Certified User numbers, call the Software Support Line for assistance.  (Please have your License Verification and Certified User numbers handy as the support staff cannot otherwise assist you.)

If you have not already lost faith, please insert Installation Diskette 1 in Drive Slot 2 (or vice versa) and follow the instructions on your screen.  (Note: owing to software modifications, some instructions will appear in Romanian).  At each prompt, select an option most suitable for the installation.  As a rule of thumb and general to most installations, the Exit option is always a good bet.  If the installation fails with an error message '## Not enough disk space ##' then you should have bought a bigger disk.  If the installation is successful, insert Diskette 2, marked 'Diskette 1', and repeat the previous steps with each of the 187 other disks.  Should you be unfortunate enough to receive an error message that says: Invalid file path. Abort or Continue?  Be warned , Selecting 'Continue' may result in irreversible drive damage and loss of memory.  On the other hand, selecting 'Abort' may result in irreversible drive damage and loss of memory.  Please select the most appropriate option.  When installation is complete, make sure your computer is plugged into the phone socket, type in your Name, Address and Credit Card details and press 'SEND'.   This will automatically register you for our free software prize, 'Blank Screensaver IV: Night Time in Deep Space', and allow us to pass your name to lots and lots of computer magazines, online services and other commercial enterprises, who will be getting in touch shortly.  If you should see numerous miscellaneous debits on your credit card, this is perfectly normal as it verifies that your modem is working correctly.  Please be sure to fill in you warranty registration form and send it to us immediately. Failure to do this will result in us not receiving it.

You are now ready to use your computer. Here are some simple exercises to get you off to a flying start:

Writing a letter: Type 'Dear' and follow it with the name of someone you know. Write a few lines about yourself, and then write 'Sincerely yours' followed by your own name. Print it off on your new printer that you are about to order from us and Voila!

Saving a file: To save your letter, select File Menu. Choose 'Save As', Choose 'Recycle Bin' as the location and press 'OK'. Alternatively, write it in long-hand on a sheet of paper and place it in a drawer.

Advice on using the Spreadsheet Facility: Don't!

Troubleshooting Section: You will have many, many problems through the life of your computer. These are quite normal and commonplace so don't send anything back to us.

Here are a few problems you may encounter and their solutions:

Problem: My computer won't turn on
Solution/Advice: This is perfectly normal

Problem: My keyboard doesn't seem to have any keys.
Solution/Advice: Turn the keyboard the right way up.

Problem: My foot pedal wont work
Solution/Advice: Try using it on the mouse mat instead

Problem: My CD Rom won't work.
Solution/Advice: This is not a CD-ROM, it's a coffee holder.

Problem: I have made a mistake in the word processor. How do I change it?
Solution/Advice: Tipp-Ex over the mistake and type it in correctly.

Problem: I keep getting a message saying 'General Protection Fault'
Solution/Advice: This is probably because you are trying to use the computer. Switch the computer to OFF mode and any messages will disappear.

Problem: What exactly will my warranty cover?
Solution/Advice: Its big enough to cover your mouse mat

Problem: My PC is a useless piece of junk
Solution/Advice: You need to upgrade to the Anthrax 3000 turbo model with exclusive limited ability, or trade your PC in for our pen and paper set. **

** Due to problems with some of our pens, the pen and paper set has been discontinued.
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"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

Accordion

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #36 on: July 18, 2007, 04:32:15 PM »

Ah yes, the oldies are the best.

My first PC (that I used at home for work stuff) was a TONTO. I'm willing to bet money that I'm the only one here that's used one of them.

Any takers?
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roseway

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #37 on: July 18, 2007, 04:49:20 PM »

Pah! Modern stuff. My first computer was a Tangerine Microtan. I had to build it myself the hard way, with a soldering iron and wireclippers. It had a 6502 processor running at 0.5 MHz, and 1024 bytes of memory, of which half was used for the 16 x 32 character display. 40-odd bytes were used by the 'operating system', leaving 470-odd bytes for user programs. Amazingly, someone wrote a fully functional version of Space Invaders for this machine.
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  Eric

Accordion

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #38 on: July 18, 2007, 04:56:57 PM »

Was it powered by a rubber band Eric?

(I used to listen to radio on a crystal set - does that count?)
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Floydoid

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #39 on: July 18, 2007, 05:07:25 PM »

Ah yes, the oldies are the best.

My first PC (that I used at home for work stuff) was a TONTO. I'm willing to bet money that I'm the only one here that's used one of them.

Any takers?

Never heard of them.  I can go as far back as using PDP11 computers at university, which had to be programmed in assembler on punched cards.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2007, 05:10:08 PM by Floydoid »
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"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

roseway

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #40 on: July 18, 2007, 06:43:34 PM »

>>> Was it powered by a rubber band Eric?

No, rubber bands hadn't been invented.
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  Eric

Accordion

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #41 on: July 18, 2007, 07:51:54 PM »

Ah yes, the oldies are the best.

My first PC (that I used at home for work stuff) was a TONTO. I'm willing to bet money that I'm the only one here that's used one of them.

Any takers?

Never heard of them.  I can go as far back as using PDP11 computers at university, which had to be programmed in assembler on punched cards.

http://web.ukonline.co.uk/freshwater/tonto.htm

http://www.nvg.ntnu.no/sinclair/computers/clones/opd.htm

http://www.whom.co.uk/grundig/opd.htm

« Last Edit: July 18, 2007, 07:58:12 PM by Accordion »
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kitz

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #42 on: July 18, 2007, 08:00:55 PM »

 :-X
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Jack Hackett

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #43 on: July 19, 2007, 01:34:16 AM »

Toshiba Equium lappy.. I bought it to help keep me out of the pub!(didn't work) ::)

Youve got the only laptop in the world fitted with a drip tray and beer mat !!!
Rumour has it, youve recorded yourself ordering a round using Audacity and you play it back to the bar staff when you too pi**ed to be coherent anymore  :D
I reckon it makes you drink more.... where can I get one?

UncleUB

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Re: My First PC
« Reply #44 on: July 19, 2007, 03:02:00 PM »

Hi,My first PC in 1995 was by Dan technology(any one rembember them) Pentium 75,1mb graphics 8 mb ram (It was £220 to get another 8mb ram!!!) And Windows 95.
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