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Author Topic: The Chav's Nativity  (Read 1506 times)

Floydoid

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The Chav's Nativity
« on: December 22, 2008, 05:27:33 PM »

Apologies if you've seen this before.

The "Chav Nativity"

There's this bird called Mary, yeah?  She reckons she's a virgin (wossat then?), but her mates sez she's a right lyin' cah.  She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?  He's on the social but does joinery an' stuff on da side.  Mary lives wiv him in a bedsit dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel in this flash white suit.  She's like 'Oo ya lookin at?'.  Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.'

Mary's totally gobsmacked.  She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah!  I ain't no f*ckin' Kappa-slapper.  I never bin wiv no one!'.

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.  Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed.  Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'

Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'.

Mary an' Joe gotta go dahn Beflehem to avoid the social security snoops but they ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go on that.  They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?  To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit?  So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals.  Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads.  They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Addidas and Burberry?'

It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.  He's like 'Social Services is comin an' they're gonna take all the new born bay-bees into care.  You better nash off to Egypt.'

Joe goes 'You must be monged it you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal.  But it's your look out if you stay.'  So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped takin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.
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