Paddy staggered home very late after an evening with his drinking
buddy, Mick.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Bridget. He tiptoed as
quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs
bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by
grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on
his rump. The bottle of "Jameson" in each back pocket broke and made
the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and
looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and
bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a
Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the
now almost empty Band-Aid box and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and
butt.
Bridget sat staring at him from across the room. She said, "Paddy
McGuire, ye were drunk again last night, weren't ye?"
Paddy said, "Why are ye accusin' me of such a thing?"
Ah, well," Bridget said, "it could be the open front door; it could be
the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs; it could be the drops of
blood trailing through the house; it could be yer bloodshot eyes; but
mostly, I'm thinkin', it's all those Band-Aids stuck to the hall
mirror."
