You are TOO kind TD ... I can't take credit for that .... I've had it for so long in one of my KEEP files I forget where it came from. I do enjoy poetry though, and I have written one or two, my first being at school when I was about 11 years old, which was published ! I remember I got a school prize for that !
Following our permanent move to France in 1993 a "friend"
sent me this :-
The Chunnel Lament
There'll be car loads of Lousises From Parisian stripteases
Importing foul diseases Into Kent.,
There'll be modern French Well's Fargo's sending juggenauts with cargoes
of frogs legs and lescargot..... and mens' scent.,
There'll be Danes on every corner, with faces pink from a sauna.
Trying hard to sell us pornographic books.,
There'll be men like Julia's Ceasar getting in without a visa.
Careless architects from Pisa ‑ blooming crooks!
There'll be wealthy German compers with enormous picnic hampers
Full of sauerktaut and 'Champers' and pork pies..
There'll be "Eye‑ties" sllck and smarmy, reared on Pizzas and Salami
Tuning up at Veeraswarmy without ties!
There'll be Swedes with charmless candour. coming over to philander
spreading "Left‑wing" propaganda about wealth.,
Belgian girls of vast proportions who have failed to take precautions.
Driving over for abortions "on the 'Ealth".,
There'll be Spanish senoritas jamming all our parking meters
With their miserable pesetas don't you know ?
While Senoras do the Samba, shouting "Vamos" and "Caramba"
And believing that the amber light means "GO 11
There'll be Austrians with poodles wanting membership to Boodles,
then demanding apple strudels with their tea..
There'll be lecherous Kuwaitis driving lorry‑loads of 'taties'
From the Thames to the Euphrates C.,O‑D.,
There'll be men from Lithuania from Romania and Albania
From Tasmania and Pennsylvania I've no doubt.,
So dear immigration panel, boys in sports jacket and Flannel
Please protect out English Channel ........ THROW 'EM OUT
From 'This England' Winter 1994
I couldn't help but respond with this 'ditty' - which I can own up to !!
"LA TUNNELL"
They thought about it endlessly. bandied ideas about;
Then came upon a tunnel, to let them in - but keep us out.
They had the grandest opening, a Premier and a Queen
but had we thought more carefully, we might not have be so keen.,
There are car loads coming over and they think that their in clover
When they see our hypermarkets full to the rails
of those many different cheeses and other things that pleases
taste buds of a nation who DON'T eat snail !!
They arrive in their large numbers in their hatchbacks and Range Rovers,
Viewing hotel prices in quite disbelief
And are pleasantly rewarded in rooms easily afforded
with oblong pillows, Mon Dieu ! what a relief,
Though they yearn for eggs and bacon,, in the mornings when they waken,
they will gladly have the continental brunch.
With the brioche and salami they really think we're barmy
Perhaps they'll find a chippy for their lunch.
There are bus-loads ftom the Midlands, talking 'funny' in their 'Brummy'
Thinking foreigners are strange - well of course .......
But a people who can function with Spaghetti for a Junction!
Don't they know that it's much better with a sauce !!!
They arrive in their large posses, Anglo- Saxons and Eccosses
From the North, the South and the Pays de Gallesl ....... (pron. Gaul !)
In the main they act politely, but they yearn for things ftom "Blighty"
Can someone please explain "TOAD IN THE HOLE" ?? !!
From the fields of Agincourt and the One hundred years war
There has always been the urge to disagree
With out friends across La Manche.,
but we hope we'll have the chance,
To put things in perspective, so you see
If you bend a little bit and you see the fun in it
You'll be happier, more humorous - Mais Oui!
You may have your sherry trifle and a copy of our Eiffel ......
And you have the tunnel - Mais - so do we !
Home thoughts from abroad'' 1995
