A GUIDE TO MURPHY'S LAWS
MURPHY'S LAWS
1 If anything can go wrong, it will.
2 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
3 If anything cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
4 If you can perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way (unprepared for) will promptly develop.
5 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
6 If something seems to be going well, you have probably overlooked something.
7 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
8 Mother nature is a b!tch.
COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAWS
In nature nothing is ever right, therefore if everything is going right something is wrong.
FORSYTH'S SECOND COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAWS
Just when you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.
THIRD COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAWS
The least worst is the best we can expect.
ZYMURGY'S SEVENTH EXCEPTION TO MURPHY'S LAW
When it rains it pours.
O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAWS
Murphy was an optimist.
GINSBERG'S THEOREMS
1 You can't win.
2 You can't break even.
3 You can't even quit the game.
WEILER'S LAW
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
GUMPERSON'S LAW
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
FLAP'S LAW
Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration, or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either obscure or else completely mysterious.
MURPHY'S LAWS & COMPUTING
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
1 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2 Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it runs.
3 If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
4 If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
5 Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
6 The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of the output.
7 Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
PIERCE'S LAW
In any computer system the machine will always misinterpret, misconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any math or sub-routines, or fail to print any output on the first run through.
COROLLARY TO PIERCE'S LAW
When a compiler accepts a program without error on the first run, the program will not yield the desired output.
OSBORN'S LAW
Variables won't; constants aren't.
BROOK'S LAW
If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
GROSCH'S LAW
Computing power increases as the square of the cost.
GILB'S LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY
1 Computers are unreliable, but human's are even more unreliable.
2 Any system that depends upon human reliability is unreliable.
3 Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors which by definition are limited.
4 Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
LUBARSKY'S LAW OF CYBERNETIC ENTOMOLOGY
There's always more than one bug.
FLOYDY'S HYPOTHESIS
Computers are humanoid. When treated nicely they will generally co-operate. However, they can also be stubborn and unpredictable.
TROUTMAN'S POSTULATE
1 Profanity is the only language understood by all programmers.
2 Not until a program has been in production for six months will the most harmful error be discovered.
3 Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
4 Interchangeable components won't.
5 If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get past it.
6 If a test installation functions properly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
WEINBERG'S SECOND LAW
If builders made buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.
GUMMIDGE'S LAW
The amount of expertise varies in inverse ratio to the number of statements understood by the general public.
HARVARD'S LAW AS APPLIED TO COMPUTERS
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of temperature, pressure, volume, humidity, and other variables, the computer will do what it damn well pleases.
SATTINGER'S LAW
It works better if you plug it in.
HORNER'S FIVE THUMB POSTULATE
Experience varies directly with the amount of equipment ruined.
BROOKE'S LAW
Adding manpower to a late software makes it later.
MURPHY'S LAWS & READING
ATWOOD'S COROLLARY
No books are lost by lending, except those you particularly wanted to keep.
JOHNSON'S THIRD LAW
If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contains the article, story or instalment that you were most anxious to read.
COROLLARY TO JOHNSON'S THIRD LAW
All of your friends either missed it, lost it, or threw it out.
HARPER'S MAGAZINE LAW
You never find the article until you replace it.
MURPHY'S LAWS & PROJECTS
GOLUB'S LAWS
1 Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
2 A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes twice as long.
3 The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
4 Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
ZYMURGY'S LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can. (Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans).
JENKINSON'S LAW
It won't work.
CHEOP'S LAW
Nothing ever gets built on schedule, or within budget.
RULE OF ACCURACY
When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
WESTHEIMER'S RULE
To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus, we allocate two days for a one hour task.
STOCKMEYER'S THEOREM
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
PUDDER'S LAWS
1 Anything that begins well ends badly.
2 Anything that begins badly ends worse.
FINAGLE'S FOURTH LAW
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will only make it worse.
FEATHERKILE'S RULE
Whatever you did, that's what you planned.
FORSYTH'S SECOND COROLLARY APPLIED TO PROJECTS
Just when you thought you could see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just some idiot with a torch bringing you some more work.
