Not sure where I got this from,
Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't
read fast. We don't live where we did when you
left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
most accidents happen within 20 miles of your
home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you
the address because the last West Virginia family
that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so they wouldn't have to change their
address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of
clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen
them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice
last week; the first time for three days and the
second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle
Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in
the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off
and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We
were really worried because it took him two hours
to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I
haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know
if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last
week. Some men tried to pull him out but he
fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated,
he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a
pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down
the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends were in the back. They drowned because
they couldn't get the tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing
much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
