feel free to copy & paste this, amend it for your own work place, and pin a copy up on a notice board & see how long before people notice
B.T. Openreach training department.
Some members of staff have expressed a wish for further training to help them deal with: Customers, Suppliers, Other colleagues within the B.T. group etc.
We have organised the following courses in conjunction with The City & Guilds and The Royal Society of Arts. Particularly with a view to improving staff performance, motivation and ability in a variety of directions.
These courses can be booked via your group manager.
Self improvement:
SI100 Creative suffering.
SI101 overcoming peace of mind.
SI102 Ego gratification through violence
SI103 Dealing with post-realisation depression.
SI104 Overcoming self-doubt through pretence & ostentation.
SI105 Whine your way to alienation.
SI106 Feigning knowledge – “A career advancement strategy.”
SI107 Guilt without sex
SI108* The Belittling & condescension of your telephone caller.
SI109 Keeping facts out of management structures.
SI110 Squashing snails in bare feet.
Business & Career:
BC100 Underachievers guide to small business opportunities.
BC101 How to profit from your own body.
BC103 Walking briskly whilst holding a piece of paper, “The illusion of management & productivity.”
BC104 Tattooing your colleagues as an income support.
BC105 So what’s so wrong with prostitution.
BC106 Sycophancy without nausea.
BC107 Credit purchasing with your Kidney Donor card.
BC108 Fly tipping for profit.
BC109 Mugging for the meek.
BC110 Starting up your first Cult.
BC111 Money laundering for beginners.
BC112 Earn profit through E-BAY & EASIC
BC113 Best methods for running away from irate customers.
BC114 Passing the buck, keeping your colleagues fully employed.
Crafts
C100 Bonsai your pet.
C101 Self actualisation through macramé.
C102 Origami for self defence.
C103 Drawing genitalia in soft pastels (summer terms only)
C104 Needlecraft for Vaccinators.
C105 High speed hairdressing with your gas kit
C106*** Trace your family genealogy 200+ years
C107 Abstract patterns with Lead-in’s
Home Economics
HE100 Cultivating Viruses in the home refrigerator.
HE101 Sinus drainage in the modern marriage.
HE102 Basic Kitchen taxidermy.
HE103 1001 other uses for your vacuum cleaner.
HE104 Cookery with other peoples “Lost” pets.
HE105 Decoupage your home with road-kill
Fitness & Health
FH100 The joys of Hypochondria.
FH101 Crabs and your gas kit.
FH102 Skate your way to regularity.
FH103 Nose and ear hair, and your gas kit.
FH104* “Snap out of it/Pull yourself together.”
FH105 Zit removal and your solder iron
FH106 High fibre sex/Bio feedback. (How to stop it)
FH107 Tap-dance your way to social ridicule.
FH108* Eating with plastic cutlery.
FH109 DIY novelty suppositories
FH110** First aid & CPR
FH111 Trampolineing for the incontinent
* SI108,FH104 & FH108 organised by The Samaritans.
** Practical part of the course subject to availability of OAP’s with a nervous disposition.
*** Some students from East Anglia might only require attendance for only 7 of the 13 weeks (Kings Lynn 2 weeks).
