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Author Topic: And in the beginning .....  (Read 2368 times)

scottiesmum

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And in the beginning .....
« on: December 31, 2011, 05:09:27 PM »



In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.  And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.  Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

 And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"


And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"


And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price.  And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
 

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.  And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).


And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.


And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

 And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."  And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.  He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

 
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

 
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.  It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

 

That is how it all began.
 ;D
 

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silversurfer44

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2011, 06:08:44 PM »

 :lol: :lol:
Very well done indeed.
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roseway

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2011, 06:35:33 PM »

:lol: :lol:
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  Eric

burakkucat

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2011, 10:04:34 PM »

As it was posted at gone 5 pm, I assume that a sizeable inroad was made into today's French wine-lake . . .  :angel:

Have you ever considered being a professional story-teller, Smum:)
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scottiesmum

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2012, 09:17:27 AM »

 :'(  I only copied and pasted it   :lol:   
, ap
but  .... following our move to France in '93  someone sent me The Chunnel Lament whih had appeared in a UK magazine   .....  I replied with La Tunnel  (all my own work  ;D)  perhaps you'll enjoy these  .....

The Chunnel Lament

There'll  be car loads of Lousises From Parisian  stripteases
Importing foul diseases Into Kent.,
There'll  be modern French Well's Fargo's sending juggenauts with cargoes
of  frogs legs and lescargot..... and mens' scent.,

There'll be Danes on every corner, with faces pink from a sauna.
Trying hard to sell us pornographic books.,
There'll be men like Julia's Ceasar getting in without a visa.
Careless architects from Pisa   blooming crooks!

There'll be wealthy German compers with enormous picnic hampers
Full of sauerktaut and 'Champers' and pork pies..
There'll be "Eye ties" sllck and smarmy, reared on Pizzas and Salami
Tuning up at Veeraswarmy without ties!

There'll be Swedes with charmless candour. coming over to philander
 spreading "Left wing" propaganda about wealth.,
Belgian girls of vast proportions who have failed to take precautions.
Driving over for abortions "on the 'Ealth".,

There'll be Spanish senoritas  jamming all our parking meters
With their miserable pesetas don't you know ?
While Senoras do the Samba, shouting "Vamos" and "Caramba"
And believing that the amber light means "GO 11

There'll be Austrians with poodles wanting membership to Boodles,
 then demanding apple strudels with their tea..
There'll be lecherous Kuwaitis driving lorry loads of 'taties'
From the Thames to the  Euphrates C.,O D.,

There'll be men from Lithuania from Romania and Albania
From Tasmania and Pennsylvania I've no doubt.,
So dear immigration panel,  boys in sports  jacket and Flannel
Please protect out English Channel ........ THROW 'EM OUT

From  'This England' Winter 1994



and in response  ....




"LA TUNNEL"

They thought about it endlessly. bandied ideas about;
Then came upon a tunnel, to let them in - but keep us out.
They had the grandest opening, a Premier and a Queen
but had we thought more carefully, we might not have be so keen.,

There are car loads coming over and they think that their in clover
When they see our hypermarkets full to the rails
of those many different cheeses and other things that pleases
taste buds of a nation who DON'T eat snails !!

They arrive in their large numbers in their hatchbacks and Range Rovers,
Viewing hotel  prices in quite disbelief
And are pleasantly rewarded in rooms easily afforded
with oblong pillows,   Mon Dieu !    what a relief,

Though they yearn for eggs and bacon,, in the mornings when they waken,
they will gladly have the continental brunch.
With the brioche and salami they really think we're barmy
Perhaps they'll find a chippy for their lunch.

There are bus-loads from the Midlands, talking 'funny' in their 'Brummy'
thinking foreigners are strange - well of course .......
But a people who can function with Spaghetti for a Junction!
Don't they know that it's much better with a sauce !!!

They arrive in their large posses, Anglo- Saxons and Eccosses
From the North, the South and the Pays de Gaul .......
In the main they act politely, but they yearn  for things from  "Blighty"
Can someone please explain "TOAD IN THE HOLE" ?? !!

From the fields of Agincourt and the One hundred years war
There has always been the urge to disagree………
with our friends across La Manche.,
but we hope we'll have the chance,
To put things in perspective, so you see
If you bend a little bit and you see the fun in it
You'll be happier, more humourous - Mais Oui!
You may have your sherry trifle and a copy of our Eiffel
And you have the tunnel - Mais - so do we !



Home thoughts from abroad''   1996


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roseway

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2012, 10:18:27 AM »

Marvellous! ;D
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  Eric

silversurfer44

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2012, 10:24:48 AM »

Such talent on here!
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tuftedduck

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2012, 01:57:56 PM »

 ;D
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burakkucat

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2012, 05:54:23 PM »

I think we could arrange bookings for Pam Ayres, II, a.k.a. Smum:thumbs:
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silversurfer44

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2012, 07:20:27 PM »

Now you've told everybody who she really is Tut.
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renluop

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Re: And in the beginning .....
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2012, 03:29:13 PM »

I sent it on to our church pastors. They'll love it
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