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Author Topic: Flying - Is it safe?  (Read 2234 times)

risk_reversal

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Flying - Is it safe?
« on: October 27, 2011, 10:03:00 PM »

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

 In case you need a laugh:
 Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 By the way, Qantas is supposedly the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident ???

> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.

> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on back-order.

> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed..

> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.

> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That's what friction locks are for.

> > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > S: Suspect you're right.

> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

> > P: Aircraft handles funny..........
> > S: Aircraft warned to ..... straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
> > P: Target radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...................

> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> > S: Took hammer away from midget.

These made me laugh. Hope you enjoy them too
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burakkucat

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Re: Flying - Is it safe?
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2011, 11:04:12 PM »

 ;D  :lol:
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:cat:  100% Linux and, previously, Unix. Co-founder of the ELRepo Project.

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silversurfer44

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Re: Flying - Is it safe?
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2011, 07:37:35 AM »

 :lol: I believe it.
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Colin II : It's no good being a pessimist, it wouldn't work anyway.

scottiesmum

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Re: Flying - Is it safe?
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2011, 08:31:12 AM »

 :D :D
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tuftedduck

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Re: Flying - Is it safe?
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2011, 08:32:14 AM »

 :lol:
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jeffbb

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Re: Flying - Is it safe?
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2011, 08:50:44 PM »

 :lol: :lol:

quote By the way, Qantas is supposedly the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident

looks like they won't have one for a few more days
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/8857822/Qantas-strike-disrupts-13000-travel-plans.html
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camallison

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Re: Flying - Is it safe?
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2011, 09:53:53 AM »

From the airline pilots magazine:

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Oh sh*t!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"
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