Kitz Forum
Chat => Jokes n Stuff => Topic started by: broadstairs on March 04, 2009, 05:09:14 PM
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Found this elsewhere:-
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't start behaving, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my favourite:
My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
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Priceless !!
:lol: :lol:
some of those took me back ..... Thank you Stuart
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I think all those applied to everyone at some point of their childhood..........brilliant and very true. :)
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Absolutely BRILLIANT - and so true
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I remember my mother saying number 20 to me. lets just say i'm no longer allowed to live in a house with gardens :no: :lol:
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Not only do I remember most of these from my childhood (which is one reason I posted it), on reflection I can remember either my wife or I saying most of these to our own two boys, and now find ourselves using some to our grandchildren :lol:
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I think a lot of those I got of my mum but in Polish I couldn't understand :lol:
There are times and at that age you just can't ask for a translation
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I think a lot of those I got of my mum but in Polish I couldn't understand :lol:
There are times and at that age you just can't ask for a translation
I could ask my 6 yr old granddaughter as she is bi-lingual and fluent in Polish (her mum's Polish) ;) ;)
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Those are excellent :lol: