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Chat => Jokes n Stuff => Topic started by: risk_reversal on October 27, 2011, 10:03:00 PM

Title: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: risk_reversal on October 27, 2011, 10:03:00 PM

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

 In case you need a laugh:
 Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 By the way, Qantas is supposedly the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident ???

> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.

> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on back-order.

> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed..

> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.

> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That's what friction locks are for.

> > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > S: Suspect you're right.

> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

> > P: Aircraft handles funny..........
> > S: Aircraft warned to ..... straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
> > P: Target radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...................

> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> > S: Took hammer away from midget.

These made me laugh. Hope you enjoy them too

Title: Re: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: burakkucat on October 27, 2011, 11:04:12 PM

 ;D  :lol:

Title: Re: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: silversurfer44 on October 28, 2011, 07:37:35 AM

 :lol: I believe it.

Title: Re: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: scottiesmum on October 28, 2011, 08:31:12 AM

 :D :D

Title: Re: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: tuftedduck on October 28, 2011, 08:32:14 AM

 :lol:

Title: Re: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: jeffbb on October 29, 2011, 08:50:44 PM

 :lol: :lol:

quote By the way, Qantas is supposedly the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident

looks like they won't have one for a few more days
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/8857822/Qantas-strike-disrupts-13000-travel-plans.html

Title: Re: Flying - Is it safe?
Post by: camallison on October 30, 2011, 09:53:53 AM

From the airline pilots magazine:

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Oh sh*t!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"