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[kitz]

Copied from elsewhere (thanks matt)

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Never try to outsmart a woman!

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,
and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he
said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put
it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with
me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when
he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there
in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished
the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to cl ose the
casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she
came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and the rolled it away. So her friend said,
"Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word.
I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[kitz]

Women Are Smarter Than Men

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles
decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he
spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary
man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father
will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with
Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother!

[kitz]

Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you
can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair
out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

[kitz]

Wife Vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted
to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep,"
the wife replied, "in-laws."

[kitz]

Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

[kitz]

Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me
to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God
made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

The Beast

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring
out the beast in me." So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a
mouse?"

[kitz]

Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get
up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The
husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should
do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe
that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says....
"HEBREWS"