My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff.."
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The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
