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Author Topic: 50 Shades of Grey  (Read 8347 times)

Black Sheep

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50 Shades of Grey
« on: July 03, 2012, 07:03:27 PM »

'50 Shades of Grey'.

If you've not heard of this over-hyped trilogy of books, then you must live on the moon. Here's some extracts from the alternative collection, called '50 Shades of Chav'.


 
"Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women"

 
"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."

"Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love.  As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you".

 
"As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."

------
edited by Admin ;)
« Last Edit: July 04, 2012, 03:20:05 AM by kitz »
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asbokid

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2012, 09:07:38 PM »

'50 Shades of Grey'.

If you've not heard of this over-hyped trilogy of books, then you must live on the moon. Here's some extracts from the alternative collection, called '50 Shades of Chav'.
 


Hehe!  :lol:

*nervous glance towards the admin!*  this forum needs a lads only zone!

cheers, a


-edited by admin ;)
« Last Edit: July 04, 2012, 03:16:11 AM by kitz »
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burakkucat

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2012, 02:24:11 AM »

I think someone is going to get a clip round the ear, once Kitz is back from her busy-ness!  ;)
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kitz

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2012, 03:03:41 AM »

Please do keep it clean guys... usual guidelines apply... BBC watershed thingy.

Bit busy over the next few days and am really tired tonight and its really late.   Been playing chauffeur for a wedding and been doing rather large triangles between here, blackpool and preston.  Tomorrow's triangles are Blackpool, Preston,  Manchester, Liverpool so play nice whilst the cat is away.

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Black Sheep

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2012, 07:17:31 PM »

Is there still such a thing as 'The watershed' in this day and age ??  ;) ;D You know me Kitz, I'm just injecting a bit of humour that may possibly be deemed as outrageous if thou resideth in the 18th century.
Of course, I'm pulling yer leg and your rules will be adhered to rigidly.  ;D Here's a snippet from the sequel ...............



"Dwayne and I had just celebrated our 7 weeks anniversary and planned on celebrating by getting ratted in town, but unfortunately his curfew hadn't finished and he couldn't get the ankle bracelet off without breaking it.

So when the girls asked if I was going out on Saturday night, I couldn't say no. I told Dwayne I was going to Chardonnay's house for an Ann Summers party, which wasn't lying really as we were getting changed there before going out in town.
I left Dwayne about 6pm with 2 bottles of White lightening Cider, 20 Bensons and a 1/16 of weed. No doubt he will be happy because all day he had been busy in the loft splicing into next doors Sky connection.
We all got changed and between the 4 of us we polished off 3 bottles of knock off Vodka that Chardonnay had nicked from Aldi , 12 wicked's, 2 Farmfoods pizza's and a family pack of Quavers.

After town I returned home to find Dwayne in our house with Tiffany !! The swine, I thought he was the one for me ?? I had even bought him a gold sovereign ring with my crisis loan last week.

I kicked Dwayne out that evening, but he came back in the morning begging to be let in. I could tell he’d been upset by the cuts on his knuckles where he’d been hitting windows and walls. He swore he didn’t do nothing with Tiffany, and promised to get a new tattoo on his back with my name on it. He said he would prove he wasn’t lying by going on the Jeremy Kyle show and taking the lie-detector test.

Thing is, I’m now pregnant again and Dwayne thinks he’s going to be Dad. He’s taking it really seriously and has even nicked me a ‘Bugaboo’ pram and all."
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silversurfer44

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2012, 07:22:56 PM »

I think we are reading Black Sheep's blog you know. :-\
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kitz

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2012, 08:17:25 PM »

I dunno about watershed..   but I do know that this site can be deemed as unstuitable for under 18 by certain providers.   I've already ran into problems with orange in the past for age related content.  I still have no idea what the offending words were that got me blacklisted by orange...  But I do know its one heck if a jib to clear afterwRds and last time I had to contact Ofcom arbitration. 
  >:(
I am not in a position to do anything right now as I'm sat somewhere on the outskirks of Liverpool with my battery running low.  ll look again when u get home although it will be la :'(te.   
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Black Sheep

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2012, 08:28:27 PM »

I think we are reading Black Sheep's blog you know. :-\

Ha ha ..... sussed out, and so early on into my personal blog, SS.  ;) :lol:
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Black Sheep

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2012, 08:39:31 PM »

I dunno about watershed..   but I do know that this site can be deemed as unstuitable for under 18 by certain providers.   I've already ran into problems with orange in the past for age related content.  I still have no idea what the offending words were that got me blacklisted by orange...  But I do know its one heck if a jib to clear afterwRds and last time I had to contact Ofcom arbitration. 
  >:(
I am not in a position to do anything right now as I'm sat somewhere on the outskirks of Liverpool with my battery running low.  ll look again when u get home although it will be la :'(te.

No need to fret Ms Kitz ..... it's all clean and above board.

What I struggle to come to terms with, is why this site has been lambasted by Orange, when there's a million Broadband sites/forums out there, mostly  effing and jeffing on every other topic ?? Now before I myself get lambasted, I'm not for one minute suggesting this site loosen its grip on what is deemed offensive, I'm genuinely inquisitive as to why 'Kitz' has been singled out ??
If I'm wrong and other sites have been contacted by SP's, then it hasn't made much difference to the way they go about their business ??

Being on the wrong side of moderation on here myself (justifiably as well), I do agree that its the difference between a great site that attracts the right folk ........... and all the others.  :)

PS ....... I am home.  :lol: ;D
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kitz

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2012, 12:55:38 AM »

Sorry about all the typos earlier, was sat in the car, taking a break whilst waiting for some traffic to clear. Couldnt really see the screen properly neither, hence not being able to read your full post either and at first glance (which is all I had time for), I'd thought it was a repeat of last nights post. 

I really dont know what happened with Orange... it will probably still be referenced somewhere if you search, but its late, Im very tired and my patience has been worn enough today (traffic) and although the ipad has a much better screen than my phone, Im still restricted and slow.

I only found out about Orange, because my daughter had tried to view the forums on her phone and thats when I found out it was so called blocked for unsuitable content to everyone on mobile device network.   Orange ignored my request to unblock, and wouldnt give a reason, so thats why I ended up contacting OFCOM which is the proper proceedure when cases like that occur.  Hence why now Im a bit sensitive when it comes to some content.  I never was given a reason why, but I dont relish trying trying to contact an SP and going through that again.   

I could be paranoid about the block and wonder if theres other reasons, but instead I just try keep it clean asap.     I do know that there is a group of junior school kids that susposedly use this site as a resource, hence why I always try keep it family friendly.   Like you say there ARE far worse sites out there, one of my arguments was take Facebook for example.

Anyhows really really tired.. Im not used to doing so much driving and it wasnt all expected,  but I stepped in because 2 other separate people let someone down.... Having been on that side of the fence when people promise stuff and then back down, I know how dissappointing it can be... and I didnt want big days ruined.   Ive probably done more driving in the past 2 days than what Ive done in years  :D  ...  aside from that, one of the journeys last night was cause I didnt want my daughter standed somewhere  which would have cost an arm and a leg for her to get home safely.

end waffle... have to be out early tomorrow..  bedtime.   zzzzzzz
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asbokid

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2012, 11:01:12 PM »

Being on the wrong side of moderation on here myself

That's the trouble with your generation.  No concept of discipline.  Bring back hanging, I say. Never did me any harm!  :D

You're too young to remember the good old days of the GPO when it was the pride of the nation.  The annual passing out parade of new recruits was a sight to be proud of!  All sadly gone now. I blame that Labour lot.  No concept of discipline.  Bring back Maggie and bring back hanging, I say. Never did me any harm.  :D

EDIT:


G.P.O. DISCIPLINE (circa 1972)    (Great Uncle Albert Asbo, 2nd from left)

cheers, a

« Last Edit: July 06, 2012, 12:30:51 AM by asbokid »
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HPsauce

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Re: 50 Shades of Grey
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2012, 11:59:55 PM »

No dayglo tunics in 1972.  :graduate:
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